Several weeks ago, in a men’s small group that I participate in we were studying 1 Peter chapter three. Verses 1-7 pretty much consumed the whole hour. In there Peter discusses the family order established by God.
It led to some interesting discussion on the topic. For me, I think this issue is misused and abused by both men and women. If we would look at it prayerfully, you can see that there is tremendous responsibility imposed on Husbands, Wives, and Children.
Each member has different responsibilities, and none are insignificant.
1 Peter 3:1-7
In First Peter chapter 3 begins with, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.” As soon as that verse is read some men chuckle and some women scowl. Neither remembers the verses that ended chapter two and often as they read the verses that follow their focus is hindered by those first eight words.
Some men use these words to impose unjust authority. Some women use these words create doubt in their own heart. But when I read 1 Peter 3:1-7. I do not see oppression, I see the power a Godly woman can have on the heart of a man, and because the verses begin with the word “Likewise” I know that the Lord preceded these verses with additional foundational wisdom. But lets just look at chapter 3:1-7 first.
1 Peter 3:1-7 (ESV Strong’s)
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Now when I read this I am humbled. Peter wrote this letter to a group of people living under persecution and there seems to have been some divided households. In verse one he tells women to be subject to their husbands. He knows that not all believe, but he also knows that these wives can help turn their husbands to the Lord, by living a holy life. I know this is true.
He tells the husband to be understanding and show honor to the women. He calls them the weaker vessel, but they are not inferior to men they too are heirs. Treating them as anything less will hinder our prayer life.
Reflections
I think about that passage in 1 Peter, and there is a great deal of responsibility that goes with it. If you look back at chapter two in 1 Peter, beginning at verse 13 through the end of the chapter Peter outlines how we are to live in the world. He uses the example of Christ Jesus, but he does not lump the family into this same group; he is very specific about the family.
This relationship was established by God. It is not a relationship created by men, like governments, labor agreements, government institutions or laws. God established it in Genesis even before the fall.
Genesis 2:24 (ESV Strong’s)
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Jesus restated it when he answered the Pharisees question about divorce in Matthew 19
Matthew 19:4-6 (ESV Strong’s)
4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
In this family, there is an order of responsibility and relationship. Ephesians 5 spells it out as well.
Ephesians 5:22-33
In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, he defines an order of things in the family as well. It amazes me how clear and simple it is from verse twenty-two to thirty-three.
Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV)
Wives and Husbands
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
As I read this passage, one thing stuck me out of the gate. It was in verse twenty-two. ” Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” The word that struck me was own. As I read it, I had to go back to Peter’s letter, and sure enough “own” was there as well. God was not asking women to submit to all men, but he was asking them to submit to their own husbands. But in Ephesians Paul adds more detail.
The Holy Spirit through Paul explains the relationship between husband and wife as one of love and respect. Nowhere in this passage is there any malice or oppression. The husband has final responsibility as the head of the home, but he can achieve nothing without his wife. In this passage, Paul refers to Genesis as well in verse 31. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” He goes on in this passage to reveal this great mystery. The fact that marriage is the model of Christ and the Church.
Just think on that for a minute.
Reflections
I look at Ephesians and 1 Peter and Colossians, and I am convicted. Not because I mistreat my wife or do not love her enough. I do love her more than I can fathom. We argue like any couple, but we work to resolve it in love and not mistreat each other.
I am convicted because of those times that I do not take the leadership role in my family and leave a tough decision for Pat. I am convicted in those times that I do not take the protective role that I should take defending her as Christ defends the Church.
I am convicted when considering all that Jesus did for the church, (that being you and me), and as much as I love my wife Pat, how my efforts pale in comparison.
Closing Thoughts
As I ponder these things and consider that marriage is an example of Jesus Christ’s relationship with the church, it is humbling when we consider the squabbles that arise out of a few sentences because we do not take the time to consider the context and God’s intent.
Yes, there is an order to the home, just as there is between the church, (that being us again), and Jesus. Without that order, there would be nothing but confusion and arguing.
But if this order is exemplified by Jesus and the church wouldn’t it also make sense to assume that we all might follow the example of Jesus while He was here on earth.
There is a passage in Matthew that I like. It is Jesus’ reply to a mother’s request. I think it well describes the kind of person we are to be in this world.
Matthew 20:25-28 (ESV Strong’s)
25 But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 26 It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
We are not to lord over one another. That is not His plan for us. So yes, the Word of God defines an order to things. It also defines a behavior; one of love and service.
I am thankful for God’s plan. He gives us order and purpose in a world where there is none. He teaches us to love and respect to fulfill the needs of one another. I am thankful and praise God.
Prayer
Father, thank you for all your provision. I praise you for the plans you laid out for us to follow and the example through Your Holy Word. Father help us to see where we fall short in our responsibilities at home so that we may better serve you there first and glorify you. In Jesus name, I pray! Amen!